Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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