It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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