I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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