I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I will pee on everything he values.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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