She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize