How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
