the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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