I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
