I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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