and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
