I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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