he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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