It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
