wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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