Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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