I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
