"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
