nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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