This is not my ceiling
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
