that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize