She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
