Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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