dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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