Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
