i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
