the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
