Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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