your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
