Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
