I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize