he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
