he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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