I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
