i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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