He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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