1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
