She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize