Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
