Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
