I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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