Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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