it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
