All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
