Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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