Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
