I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
