fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
