I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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