you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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