I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
