So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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