when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
