I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
