I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
