if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
