I'm so fucking centered right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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