my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
