Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
