So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
