Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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